One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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