We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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