i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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