we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
