we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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