dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
