I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
NoShamevember. You game?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
