I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
