I bet he comes in French.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
