I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
