Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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