i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
