covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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