um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
