i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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