I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
