heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
