I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
