I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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