hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
