i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
