I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
