I heard we made out
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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