Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
