I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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