last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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