but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
