Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize