my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
