I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
