so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
