yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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