I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
