If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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