i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
