he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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