I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
