We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
