Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
