You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
