he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
