we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
