but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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