Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
