Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
