the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
