Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
