Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
