i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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