He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
