just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
