If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
