fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
