Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
