All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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