Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
