Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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