Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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