if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
