New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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