She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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