Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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